Six years ago today, I gave birth to a 7 pound 11 ounce baby boy. Today that now 40 pound boy is having a pillow fight in the next room with his best buddy (born on the same day!) Andrew.
Toby has enjoyed opening gifts, eating sushi for lunch (his request for which I am grateful), and generally being the center of attention. He has also relished listening to his birth story from the various family members who were there that day six years ago -- my dear friend Michelle, my mom, my stepdad, Greg's mom, and of course Greg. He especially likes it when Greg tells him that after 30 hours of labor his head popped out, he opened his eyes, and turned his head to look around. Greg was so stunned by this that the midwife had to cue him, "Are you going to deliver the rest of the baby?" Next, like most newborns, he promptedly defecated on both his father and mother in turn. Can't wait until he takes that one to school on Monday. :-)
This morning at dance I found myself in a pew praying to God for Toby's health and safety. Tears streamed down my face as I prayed and prayed with all of my might for his health...I love that little boy from the depths of my being and although I am accustomed to his health issues as they've become the norm, my heart still breaks for him every time I have to count carbs and give him insulin. This is only his second birthday having diabetes so I remember well his fourth birthday when he gorged on cheesecake (and not the Splenda version either) and candy from the pinata. My low-sugar birthday cake this year was far better than what I came up with last year and I have learned to put things like pencils and quarters in the pinata rather than candy.
So tonight as I prepare to tuck in the two six-year olds in the basement, I am deeply grateful that that 7 pound 11 ounce boy entered our lives when he did. Although I feel like I spend a lot of time being his nutritionist and his nurse, I have to remind myself that I am first and foremost his mother. I'm the only one that he has and I can freely love him up all that I want while he is still interested in my affection.
Happy Birthday Toby!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Ode to the ABQ Mamas
I had the great fortune this weekend to travel to Santa Fe with my dear friend of 10 years, Michelle, whom I met in graduate school back in Tucson. We went to Santa Fe to celebrate and attend graduation with her second master's degree in counseling. Yeah Michelle!
On this trip I also spent an evening with my "mom friends" from Albuquerque. These are the women who got me through four years of learning how to parent and mother...talking me through sleepless nights, breastfeeding debacles, and the terrible twos.... Traversing the foreign lands of toddler discipline, marital woes, and weight loss plans (which included running with strollers carrying very heavy cargo). The majority of our time spent together included 4 then 5 then 7 little ones as their families grew. Our conversations were ritually held over cheese sticks and goldfish crackers during our regular playgroups at the local park. Coveted were the "mom's night outs" when we left our children with the dads' and treated ourselves to good wine, yummy food, and great company to laugh about our trials in the world.
Although, I valued these friendships when I lived in Albuquerque, I have a deeper appreciation for them today. Now that I am in a place of relative peace and comfort, where rest is an expected luxury every night and I have both free and available childcare regularly (thanks Mom!), I can look back and recognize the important role that these women played in my development into an adult. I can appreciate what it takes to be a part of a community of tired, restless, cranky mothers who are trying to etch out a meaningful life for themselves between nap times with two-hour trips to the local park. These three women tolerated more complaining and whining from me than probably anyone in my life. They laughed with me as I spent most of 2003 with my upper half soaked in breast milk, talked me through Toby's constant crying when he started daycare, and cried with me when Toby was diagnosed with diabetes in 2005. Each of these women, Amy, Nancy, and Alison, added a deep richness to what, at the time, felt like a mundane existence punctuated by blessed trips to the aquarium and the zoo.
Although I have now moved to another state and only speak to my mom friends every so often, they are each lodged snug in my heart. These women are such valued family for me and as I move into another community making new and wonderful relationships, I hold dear these women who helped me learn to mother my son by mothering me.
As I drove home to Colorado this morning, I felt a deep sadness in leaving behind this community who are carrying on our rituals without me (Art Club, Friday playgroup, etc...). Part of me longed to have the comfort of these friendships and activities close by once again. But, as I keep learning over and over, nothing lasts forever -- we are riding in an ocean of life that churns and crests and is rarely still. So I feel heart-filled gratitude for the gifts that they each shared in showing up for me in a profound way during a critical time of my life.
Here's to you each of you, with deep love and appreciation.
On this trip I also spent an evening with my "mom friends" from Albuquerque. These are the women who got me through four years of learning how to parent and mother...talking me through sleepless nights, breastfeeding debacles, and the terrible twos.... Traversing the foreign lands of toddler discipline, marital woes, and weight loss plans (which included running with strollers carrying very heavy cargo). The majority of our time spent together included 4 then 5 then 7 little ones as their families grew. Our conversations were ritually held over cheese sticks and goldfish crackers during our regular playgroups at the local park. Coveted were the "mom's night outs" when we left our children with the dads' and treated ourselves to good wine, yummy food, and great company to laugh about our trials in the world.
Although, I valued these friendships when I lived in Albuquerque, I have a deeper appreciation for them today. Now that I am in a place of relative peace and comfort, where rest is an expected luxury every night and I have both free and available childcare regularly (thanks Mom!), I can look back and recognize the important role that these women played in my development into an adult. I can appreciate what it takes to be a part of a community of tired, restless, cranky mothers who are trying to etch out a meaningful life for themselves between nap times with two-hour trips to the local park. These three women tolerated more complaining and whining from me than probably anyone in my life. They laughed with me as I spent most of 2003 with my upper half soaked in breast milk, talked me through Toby's constant crying when he started daycare, and cried with me when Toby was diagnosed with diabetes in 2005. Each of these women, Amy, Nancy, and Alison, added a deep richness to what, at the time, felt like a mundane existence punctuated by blessed trips to the aquarium and the zoo.
Although I have now moved to another state and only speak to my mom friends every so often, they are each lodged snug in my heart. These women are such valued family for me and as I move into another community making new and wonderful relationships, I hold dear these women who helped me learn to mother my son by mothering me.
As I drove home to Colorado this morning, I felt a deep sadness in leaving behind this community who are carrying on our rituals without me (Art Club, Friday playgroup, etc...). Part of me longed to have the comfort of these friendships and activities close by once again. But, as I keep learning over and over, nothing lasts forever -- we are riding in an ocean of life that churns and crests and is rarely still. So I feel heart-filled gratitude for the gifts that they each shared in showing up for me in a profound way during a critical time of my life.
Here's to you each of you, with deep love and appreciation.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
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