The Knights of Columbus....

The holiday season is officially here! With the stores full of Halloween paraphernalia and Christmas supplies readily positioned to take their place, I am preparing for another season of candy, cakes, cookies, and other sugary edibles.

On Sunday, after church, we all went to the neighborhood grocery store. As we approached the entrance, I noticed a man wearing a Knights of Columbus vest ringing a bell for donations. As I began looking through my purse for some change, the man kindly offered Toby a large candy bar. Toby's face lit up as I jumped in, "No, no. Thank you sir but we'll pass." To which he replied, "No really. He can have it." Toby's hand went up to reach for the bar but I stopped him repeating, "No. Thank you but no." The 'ol knights are a persistent bunch and the fella went on, "Yes...he can have it!" It was all I could do not to thwack him over the head with my purse. When did I turn over my parental rights to this stranger? Who was he to insist upon giving something -- candy or not -- to my kid. Finally, I reluctantly pulled out my trump card..."No. He has diabetes." The man simply said, "Oh." And turned to the next family.

Of course, the next ten minutes were occupied with Toby begging for the candy and saying, "I could save it for later Mom!" I could open a 7-11 with all of the junk I have in my house that has been "saved for later". I was short with Toby, taking out my frustrations with the vested man on him as Toby, naturally, was huffy about not getting the candy.

And so the holiday season begins. I don't mean to complain about the generosity of people with my child. Certainly, Toby would love to have all of the treats that are readily available for children everywhere. However, being put in the position to explain or defend my choices as a parent is exhausting. I generally don't like to point to Toby's diabetes as the reason for limiting the sugary snacks -- I limited them, as most of my friends do, before the onset of his illness. Naming the illness...naming it to strangers...naming it to myself...it feels so painful to me. I feel naked -- like I'm exposing myself. Exposing myself to this person who I don't even know...selling a bit of soul in order to not seem rude or socially inappropriate by simply walking away. I also feel like I'm stamping my kid on the forehead with a large red ink mark that screams "DEFECTIVE" or "DIFFERENT". Sure, I am the first one to argue the benefits of a society that is diverse...where we can celebrate our differences and learn for these unique characteristics. And, there is different and there is different.

Toby is so many things besides having diabetes. I suppose part of my strong reaction to the Knights of Columbus man was feeling like (1) I had to defend my choices as a parent but also (2) I labeled my kid in front of a stranger because it was an easy way to stop the interaction. I made the choice to label Toby for my own benefit -- to get on with grocery shopping -- rather than disengaging and walking away. It's funny how I can get wrapped up in the way others might label my kid when in fact I am guilty of doing it too. It is embarassing to admit but there it is.

Eventually, we made it to the produce section and Toby was engaged with trying samples at the deli. As we left the grocery store, the Knights were back holding out a candy to Toby happily saying, "Here you go! Have a candy bar!"